Emotions
This week has been full of emotions of all sorts. I hate to draw attention in this way, but this migraine has really been taking a toll on me. 13 days and counting... I visited a doctor today, so hopefully things will begin to improve over the weekend.
Frustration. Let's begin with the migraine itself. I've never had a migraine before, so that's been rough. And then the fact that it's continued on for so long. And I'm away from home. It's really difficult to have any sort of quality of life when all I want to do is lay in bed in the dark and sleep if I can make it past the pain barrier. Some days, like today, the pain has driven me to the point of tears. All I can think is, "Why??" I sometimes wish I could chop off my head. Sure, it would fix the migraine, but it'd cause a whole lot of other problems.
But because of the migraine, I've had plenty of time for reflection. I occasionally get into really emotional states brought on by stress. I'm not sure that I can fully describe what happens. Actually, as I write this, I'm sitting in the study abroad office, suffering from those undescribed emotions. I need people. I need to process. But the two do not yet mesh. The state I'm in is extremely deep and scary to explore, and I fear bringing anyone there with me.
Frustration. Let's begin with the migraine itself. I've never had a migraine before, so that's been rough. And then the fact that it's continued on for so long. And I'm away from home. It's really difficult to have any sort of quality of life when all I want to do is lay in bed in the dark and sleep if I can make it past the pain barrier. Some days, like today, the pain has driven me to the point of tears. All I can think is, "Why??" I sometimes wish I could chop off my head. Sure, it would fix the migraine, but it'd cause a whole lot of other problems.
But because of the migraine, I've had plenty of time for reflection. I occasionally get into really emotional states brought on by stress. I'm not sure that I can fully describe what happens. Actually, as I write this, I'm sitting in the study abroad office, suffering from those undescribed emotions. I need people. I need to process. But the two do not yet mesh. The state I'm in is extremely deep and scary to explore, and I fear bringing anyone there with me.
This migraine has caused me to enter a cycle in which I get stressed because I lose productivity, which in turn makes the migraine worse. Luckily I've been able to complete the bare minimum, but nothing more. As I wrote a few weeks ago, I was really struggling with jumping into a new semester after enduring last fall. I feel like I've finally come to the point of renewing my desiring to learn for the sake of learning. But with this migraine, I don't know if I'll ever find productivity.... I'm so thankful that this is an "easy" semester so that my academics are not too affected.
Excitement. Unfortunately, I can't say that I absolutely love any of my classes this semester. However, I'm quite pleased that I'm being challenged in my critical thinking abilities. Today alone I was able to relate knowledge from my Drug & Alcohol Addiction course last semester to information in Neuropsychology and experiences from Physiology to my doctor visit. It's so cool to be able to understand!
Love. On another note, I've been feeling super blessed and well loved this week. Wednesday night I received some surprise valentines from people on campus who I've known for less than a month. Thursday I received a package from my parents, full of all sorts of goodies. They know me so well! And today I was given chocolate and more valentines :) Remember, European chocolate is amazing!
I've also been seeing love in the actions of the people I interact with daily. My roommate has an incredible heart full of compassion and never hesitates to offer a listening ear, tea, or chocolate. Even the way I was welcomed in the study abroad office today when I had no words but needed to be around people. And when I communicate back home, especially in my times of homesickness, I'm left in awe by some of the encouragement I receive. Y'all are great <3
Growth. The growth this semester is insane! Maybe it's no more than usual, but I'm certainly more aware of it. Just last night I competed in a Blind Date game show. Never have I ever been more out of my comfort zone, nor will I likely ever do something of this nature again. At one point I sang "Single Ladies", motions and all. No lie.
In December, I made a commitment not to let anyone dictate how I act this semester. I want to grow and explore myself, and I'm certainly doing that! I'm aware that growth isn't technically an emotion, but it's very real and present in my daily thoughts and evokes many of the aforementioned emotions.
Well, now I'm tired. It's been a long, draining day as I sift through my emotions. Thanks again for all the support!
I've also been seeing love in the actions of the people I interact with daily. My roommate has an incredible heart full of compassion and never hesitates to offer a listening ear, tea, or chocolate. Even the way I was welcomed in the study abroad office today when I had no words but needed to be around people. And when I communicate back home, especially in my times of homesickness, I'm left in awe by some of the encouragement I receive. Y'all are great <3
Growth. The growth this semester is insane! Maybe it's no more than usual, but I'm certainly more aware of it. Just last night I competed in a Blind Date game show. Never have I ever been more out of my comfort zone, nor will I likely ever do something of this nature again. At one point I sang "Single Ladies", motions and all. No lie.
In December, I made a commitment not to let anyone dictate how I act this semester. I want to grow and explore myself, and I'm certainly doing that! I'm aware that growth isn't technically an emotion, but it's very real and present in my daily thoughts and evokes many of the aforementioned emotions.
Well, now I'm tired. It's been a long, draining day as I sift through my emotions. Thanks again for all the support!
