One more month...
Test post #2
I've had a countdown going since mid-May. Two hundred thirty something days. Now there are 30. What??
This semester I've been preparing for Lithuania. Lots of forms and papers and running around. Pre-departure sessions. Picking classes. Applying for an internship. My excitement level rises with each passing day.
However, as my departure date draws nearer, I've begun thinking about the reality of those 4.5 months. I'm going to be on another continent! I won't have many of the securities I take for granted here in the US. For example, even at Messiah, I know that my parents will drive out if I desperately need them to. But there's not much they can do come January when we are separated by the Atlantic.
At one of our pre-departure sessions, we were instructed to list our motivations for and fears about studying abroad. Here's a brief synopsis:
MOTIVATIONS
enrichment and new perspectives
growth (emotional, spiritual, academic, maturity)
to learn (about myself, God, people, other cultures, privileges, relationships, value systems, etc.)
FEARS
basic fears like being a picky eater and homesickness
relationships (not getting along with roommates, not making friends, clinging to or avoiding other Americans, maintaining friendships and other connections back home, etc.)
biggest fear: the growth I'll experience. I'll likely return being super independent, and that scares me! I'm seeing increased independence this semester, and it's not as bad as I anticipated back in September. However, the continued growth frightens me nonetheless. I'm sure I'll learn about values through living in a new culture and will eventually reevaluate my own personal priorities and beliefs, especially if I get the internship I'm applying for. I don't know what adjusting back to US life will be like, especially because I'll be among people who did not share the same experience. Life will have carried on as usual while I will be changed for a lifetime.
If you asked me about these fears a month ago, I would have been pretty overwhelmed, possibly to the point of tears. However, I've been working through them, confessing my fears aloud to others and to God. I'm allowing people to enter this deep, scary part of my heart to help me as I walk through this adventure. As difficult as I sometimes find it, I'm amazed by the feelings of release and relief by offering my fears up to God. "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you" (Psalm 55:22). Now when I look at the fears listed in my journal, they've lost the emotional charge. I'm still fully aware of their presence, but I know that my Maker is looking out for me. After all, He orchestrated this adventure in the first place.
I'm so thankful for the support network I have as I prepare to leave. I have friends and mentors who consistently check in on my progress (emotional and physical preparation). They provide a safe and nurturing environment for me to explore my soul and express my emotions. They will listen to anything I desire to say about the process and often provide reality checks. Many of these fears were not present until people brought them to my attention. However, I'm glad I began to work through them now rather than discovering them a week before I leave. I'm excited to share in my adventures with each one of you, but especially my friends and mentors who have expressed special interest in my well-being.
I've been ruminating several scriptures over the last few weeks. Many of them I've had memorized for years, but are still just as true today.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)
And finally, my most recent encouragement...
"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him." (Psalm 34:8)
I'm so excited for this adventure. I'm excited to grow. And I'm excited to see God work!
